Oh My God! I’m so old!

Oh My God! I’m so old!

So, I’m sat here at the Doctor’s office (for an appointment that was 10 minutes ago) because of something so debilitating I had to take the day off work. 

I know what you’re thinking “Hey, Luke! You’re still young and carefree, right? I bet you’re just hungover.”

Nope. 

“Extreme Sport Wipeout?”

I wish. 

“Second degree burns from running into a burning building to save a kitten and just generally be a hero?”

I like you think that highly of me, but no. I’m here at the Doctor’s office because…i threw my back out. 

That’s it, I’m an old man! I didn’t even throw my back out doing something awesome like lifting weights or rescuing kittens. I did it walking to the washing machine. Not putting things in it, not bending over to adjust the dials, not picking up the basket, just walking across to the washing machine. 

Consequently, if I want to see anything to my left or my right I have to turn my whole body in that direction! Trying to get comfy on these waiting room chairs is also pretty damn painful!! 

Oh, and my service provider’s data just went down for everyone on their network as well, so whilst I may have full signal I can’t get onto anything more than a google search or an email. 

Fortunately, I’m writing this on the app and it’ll post when it’s up and running again. Which is disappointing as I was halfway through an episode of Community, which is my new comedy binge. My drama binge at the moment is The Walking Dead, before last week I’d only seen up to the mid-season finale of season 4, now I’ve rematched every episode and I’m about to start season six. 

I’m using both Netflix and Amazon Prime at the moment and I think I’ll make a blog post of the two and their pros and cons of both, you know, for the real geeky of you that maybe care. 

But in the meantime I’m just going to keep growing old and injuring myself by walking. 

My appointment was 30 minutes ago. 

–Update–

I’ve been given a few anti-inflammatories and sent on my way. Also told to stretch it out. 

-Luke

No song yet because I have no internet to get the YouTube link. But I am listening to ‘Little Moon’ by First Aid Kit. 

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An Artist in Training

Hey everyone! Happy Sunday!

A couple of weeks ago I talked about how much I love Bob Ross. I’ve been watching the YouTube channel with every episode on it (which can be found here) and whilst I’ve mainly been using it to get to sleep (as apparently most of the viewers do) today I decided to step it up a notch and actually try my hand at painting some of the stuff. 

First of all, I really need to stress that I have NEVER used oil paints before. Both pictures took me an hour total so they are NOT masterpieces. I haven’t painted anything at all in about five years. Yes these sound like excuses (and they are) but I really wanted to give an idea about my natural ability (none)and what I can do when watching Bob Ross.   

This was my first one. It’s meant to be a nice morning scene with trees and bushes etc.  Bob Ross’ one looks like this 

So you can see the basic idea of what I was following, mines more impressionist than his though!  


This was my second one, done in acrylics instead of oils and is a kind of glade area at night with a waterfall and illuminated by a full moon. I’m a lot happier with how this one turned out, not just because of the picture itself but because whilst it was inspired by Bob’s paintings it’s not an attempt to copy one like the first one, this was me just putting happy little trees in my own places. 

Anyway, that’s my painting. First time for everything.  I’ve taken a few things away from it, one is if I do wet on wet with acrylics I’ve got to wait for it to dry a little bit before adding more. 

Do you paint? Do you draw? Do you do art of any kind? Tell me about it in a comment, I’d love to see the pictures. 

-Luke

Steal Tomorrow – The Tallest Man on Earth

Always remember to pay your exorcist…

…Otherwise your house’ll get repossessed!!

Hey Interwebs!

Sorry I haven’t been on here for two days. I’ve been pretty bummed out the last couple days and when I get bummed out I kinda slow to a stop and have no interest in doing anything. Because of this I didn’t sleep overly well on Tuesday night and that made Wednesday a bit of a wash. 

Prized Posession

Describe an item you were incredibly attached to as a child. What became of it?

My prized possession I had from my childhood is without a doubt my bear, Teddy. Or to use his full name Theodore Ursidae. When my mum was pregnant she was working at a nursery and they hosted a teddy bear’s picnic. Which is like a normal picnic except you bring your teddy bear with you. 

At the end of the day there was a bear left behind. So my mum kept hold of him for a while, expecting someone to come back for him. But they never did so she gave him to me a couple of months later when I was born. I loved this bear to the extent that my Nan had to refur him twice. Every time she did refur him she had to cut a hole through the fur so his tag could stick out! I liked playing with the tag as I slept. 

I know exactly what became of him. He’s currently sat on my bed at home with a couple of other fluffy ‘friends’. He went to boarding school with me, he went on holidays with me, he went to China with me, he went to Turkey with me and my wife. He is probably the oldest, most traveled, and well loved bear in the world. 

If anyone reads this on a computer or has me bookmarked on their phone (that last one’s probably just me!) they would’ve seen this picture:

 
Because I’m just that adorable! Teddy is the one in the top left of the picture, sitting on my right. Clockwise from Teddy it goes, Geoff Elephanté, Edward Bear, Hedgy Hogg (You can just see his eye and nose in the picture), Hughie Dogg, Steve Isabella (The gender-fluid dragon). This isn’t all of them. This isn’t half of them! And I know it’s crazy for a twenty-eight year old man to love cuddly toys, but I do, and I’m ok with that. 

Teddy has been the most constant thing in my life, with me through house moves, my parent’s divorce, girlfriends, jobs, different countries, getting married, every aspect of my life that bear had been there for. And that’s why not only was he my prized posession when I was a child, but he’s my prized posession now too. 

-Luke

Suffer Well – Depeche Mode

Inspiration for today’s post taken from: 365 Days of Writing Prompts.

*Grumble* *Grumble* Monday

Another day, another dollar! 

Which crazy bastard made the weekend only two days long!? Why can’t the working week be two days long and the weekend five days long!? And still get paid the same amount. That’s the important thing! 

I had a job interviews last Tuesday for a six month secondment in an admin role. I was told I’ll either hear back today or tomorrow about whether or not I’ve got it. 

Escape!

Describe your ultimate escape plan (and tell us what you’re escaping from).

Where I live there’s a major Naval port and they have a lot of nuclear engines there as wel so every week an old air raid siren sounds and if you hear that any time other than Monday at 11:00 it means there’s a radiation leak. God forbid there’s a leak at 11:00 on a Monday we’d never know! My escape plan is to escape my city in the event that should happen. It also doubles as my escape route in case of zombie apocalypse. 

Should a leak (or zombie apocalypse) happen most people’s response is to go inland, in a north-east direction. The problem is that nine times out of ten the wind we get goes south-west to north-east so if there’s a nuclear leak then the wind is just going to blow it after the people driving to escape it. 

Also, the roads are going to be pretty busy as well regardless of the direction of travel. The best thing to do is to commandeer a boat. I say commandeer because I don’t own a boat and would therefore need to ‘borrow’ with every intention of giving back a boat. 

Yes, I can sail, although admitidly it’s been a while so I’m going to need to take the easiest thing to drive. The problem is that the easiest thing to drive will have a motor but because motor things have keys it’s also the most difficult to commandeer. But it’ll have to be a motor boat as if it’s sails it makes the next stage of my escape a lot easier. 

Sail to America. This is mainly in event of zombie outbreak. If there’s a nuclear leak I’ll head to France as I’ll be able to seak refuge there, but if there’s a zombie apocalypse and no refuge I head due west to America and make my way from wherever I land to California, where my wife is. It may take months worth of travel but so long as I have life left in me to step I’ll step to her. Not really an escape from something but an escape to someone. 

-Luke

I’m Still Here – John Rzeznik

Today’s post inspiration taken from here.

Door-to-Door Jesus Salesmen

Morning internets. How you doing?

I think I discovered who left that Jesus £20 around town. I’ve been waiting for a couple of parcels recently so when I heard the knock at my door at 10am I assume it was something to sign for. No such luck. Stood there was a woman and either two midgets or her children, I wasn’t paying attention. All three were taken aback when I opened the door in my robe, they should just be lucky that I took the time to tie it up! They were very polite and I assumed they were there to pick up an unread Avon catalogue or something like that. But no, they wanted to see if I was interested in their pamphlet. 

In their defence they only got so far as “We’re going around today handing out…” Before I gave a long “Noooooooooo” and closed the door so it could have been anything. But the big ‘BIBLE’ across the top of it really did everything for me. 

I get this isn’t particularly fantastic or strange, but my city doesn’t have door-to-door Jesus people. Apart from a few years abroad I have lived in this city for all my life and have NEVER had a Jesus person come to my door. I’ve been stopped by them in the street, I’ve walked past the crazy people handing out ‘The Watchtower’, and I’ve avoided eye contact with priests but I’ve never experienced Door-to-door Jesus selling before. 

My mum tells this story about how when she was younger and living in Wales and had a couple of Jehova’s Witnesses come to the door. She answered the door and being the person that she is, started asking them difficult questions. The Jesus salesmen, happy they had a young mind to influence, started telling her about their superstitions until my Nan, who was still pretty Catholic at the time, came downstairs took one look at them and said “We already have a God.” And closed the door in their faces. I’ve got a thousand stories about my Nan and they all crack me up. I might start a book, it would probably be labelled fiction because of how ridiculous some of them are!!

I was raised Catholic, I was even confirmed into the Catholic Church. So, by my understanding, *if* there’s a God and *if* he’s Catholic all I need to do is death bed confession, a few Hail Marys and no matter what I did I get into heaven. But that’s two ifs and they’re pretty big ifs. I’m also not sure if I’ve understood confession completely. 

I’m a weird person when it comes to belief systems. I don’t believe in God, or runes, or crystal healing or anything like that but I do have an idea of an afterlife. I like to think that when you die, you don’t know it and your afterlife picks up exactly where life left off, but gets better. It’s kind of hard to explain but if you were to die in your sleep you’d wake up in the afterlife not knowing that anything was different. Then, eventually, you’d get everything you ever desired. I say eventually because I think instant gratification would be a) boring and b) a sure sign you were dead. The idea of the afterlife is its better than normal life but indistinguishable from real life. I honestly don’t hold much faith in there being an afterlife, but if there is that’s what I’d want. 

That’s really as spiritual as I like to get, like I said I don’t think there is an afterlife, I don’t think there’s a God, and I don’t think the oujia board you bought is going to have any more affect than a paper voodoo doll but I have an idea of what I would like it to be like if it *was* true. I also have an idea about what I’d like the Loch Ness monster to be like, doesn’t make it any more real. 

How about you guys? Are you the spiritual kind of person? Do you have an unusual or unheard of belief system? Do you like my idea of the afterlife? Do you think I’m going to swim in a lake of Hell fire for eternity? As always, answers on a postcard or in the comment section!

-Luke

Comfortably Numb – Scissor Sisters (Yes, I know it’s a Pink Floyd cover but give the Scissor Sistors version a try.)

Fiction Friday: The Begining

Good Morning internets! 

It’s just a quick one this morning to tell you something I have planned for the aptly named Fiction Fridays. 

I’ve been trying to get more into story writing for a while. I have a story I did for Nanowrimo four years ago that I’ve barely touched since and a LOT of unfinished, half thought out ideas. I want some finished ideas. So now, every week I’ll be putting something in on Fiction Friday. Whether it’s part of a story I’ve been writing, a poem, the plan of a story, details of a world to create. Who knows! But that’s what I’ll be doing every Friday now!

Wish me luck!

-Luke

A Certain Shade of Green (Acoustic) – Incubus

Throwback Thursday

RAWR! No, I’m not dead! I just didn’t post yesterday or this morning. I had the day off yesterday and I spent it at the gym and the chilling out and playing video games. 

I love video games! So much! And for today’s Throwback Thursday I wanted to share the first video game that taught me a game could just be more than running and jumping and shooting but it could also have a story, to get you involved with the characters and took you on an emotional adventure. 

I present to you the story of:

The Curse of Monkey Island
 
To give you the Wikipedia blurb before we start:

The Curse of Monkey Island is an adventure game developed and published by LucasArts, and the third game in the Monkey Island series. It was released in 1997 and followed the successful games The Secret of Monkey Island and Monkey Island 2: LeChuck’s Revenge. The game is the twelfth and last LucasArts game to use the SCUMM engine, which was extensively upgraded for its last outing before being replaced by the GrimE engine for the next game in the series, Escape from Monkey Island. The Curse of Monkey Island is the first Monkey Island game to include voice acting, and has a more cartoon-ish graphic style than the earlier games.

Basically you take control of the fantastically named protagonist, Guybrush Theepwood as he goes on a quest to get an uncursed diamond ring to save his fiancée who has been turned into a solid gold statue. 

There’s only two parts of the game when you need to use a weapon. The rest of the time you need to rely on your wits and (as with most point and click adventures) your ability to put two useless items together to come up with a useful one. For example, pancake syrup and an Ipicac flower makes a very useful (at the time) syrup of Ipicac. And when you need to cure a hangover getting the hair of the dog is quite literal!

It’s set in 1687 (as evidenced by the dubloon used for your verb wheel) and really brings the time period alive. The weird way it does this is by merging out of place things with the time period. A Barbershop run by pirates who were fed up of the sea, or the Brimstone Beach Club and Smorgy are just two examples. 

I really can’t oversell this game enough and I don’t want to delve too deep into the story to spoil it for people who are interested in it. But I remember the first time I played it at my Grandparent’s house (my Grandad is big into computers and he was the first one of the family to have a PC) and when I’d played it a few times over and over again he let me take it home (when we got a PC) and I played it over and over again and again. 

I played it at least once a year every year until last year when (unfortunately) I couldn’t get ScummVM to run on my iPad any more. ScummVM is required to play the game now because the game is too old to play on any computer newer than about 1998. But, thank you Internet, I managed to live vicariously through a YouTube channel called ‘World of Longplays’. I mentioned them in a Top Ten Tuesday, they play video games so you don’t have to basically, but they have all the monkey island games on there. If anyone’s interested they’re here:

The Secret of Monkey Island

Monkey Island 2: LeChuck’s Revenge

The Curse of Monkey Island

Escape from Monkey Island, Part 2
Tales of Monkey Island, Part 2, 3, 4, 5

They’re all about 4 hours each so ya know, if Netflix is down or you’re just really interested in what I think is awesome. I’m going to be trying to get ScummVM working on my iPad to play it again this year. The first two games were remastered but apparently there’s no chance of that happening for Curse onwards. Telltale games did Tales of Monkey Island (which is why there’s five parts) and I will live in hope that they do another one. 

How do you feel about video games? Do you love them? Loathe them? Why? What’s your favourite game? What’s the game that got you into gaming? Do you watch gaming videos? As you can see (from Monday’s post) I’ve tried gaming videos, what would you like to see? 

Answers on a postcard. Or, if no postcards are available, in the comment section. 

-Luke

Bring Your Love To Me – The Avett Brothers